Suicid'oh 

Who can hang from cable of wireless mouse?
A butterknife slashes only butter.
Suicide's a no-go in this stupid house!

It's harder on the fly than you might guess
to improvise serviceable halter.
Who can hang from cable of wireless mouse?

Selfharmadillo wrists are left glabrous
and armoured by paltry pencil sharpener. 
Suicide's a no-go in this stupid house!

Flasher's towelling gown, lost belt's would-be noose
- what swings free ain't from beam or banister!
Who can hang from cable of wireless mouse?

A soak with the toaster would be no use:
it'd just trip the mains. And I've a shower.
Suicide's a no-go in this stupid house!

Rennies in cabinet won't cook my goose.
Electric oven will egnis my riah.
Who can hang from cable of wireless mouse?
Suicide's a no-go in this stupid house!