Scumbrella

There skulks a vigilante called Scumbrella,
the urban jungle's answer to John Steed.
1/2 werrr, 1/2 weyyy, a mentally unstable fella,

in chazzashop-dapper togs. But no tweed.
His swashbuckling bartitsu umbrawler moves
rotoviolate English Detroit run to seed, 

tho' motley movements defy fitzes & sleuves.
At the dead of night, at the scene of a crime,
off scofflaw stage brollycrook hooks youths,

pimpled pitbulls yet to gnaw bone of hard time,
hoodies he hooks into patella in the face,
then jabs bumbleshoot into their custardpuss spines!

Like Mezza Pops putting UK airspace in its place,
gamp glider Scumbrella like accipiter swoops
at trainee mugger, now 'Mum'-yeller, auto-Maced

(epiphora of cowardice). Trenchcoat cape dupes
Bash Street chavs with  shadowplay a-billowing,
blots out fullmoon for wild pack of coyot' yoots,

further blinded by brollyspokes set a-twirling
by this borgne majorette of a mean Gene Kelly,
crimefighting in the rain - what a wonderful feeling

to flanconnade ferals with ferrule of umbrelly,
or on evildoer's cupola springshut his subumbrella,
a panoramic facehugger - that should quell any

scally's screech should our Scum-brah cover Rihanna
a cappella (upon umbrellairguitar not a noodle).
But since squabashing tall 10-year-old who twocked Fruitellas,

he's sasquatch-scarce. Sirens fill twitchells.
Spiceheads & dratchells expand gangland slang glands
at piles of Z-doggs who dogpiled in IRL,

now duffedup triphazards to the backsteet errand-
boys 'n' girls, runners 'n' riders. Digladiation
Oswald Cobbleoddjob-style done, t'Umbrella Stand

pub (his fav), via. a heifer zephyr's transportation.
No time to spare, as sirens have been replaced
by ambivalent armed response unit's simunition,

pyongyang of bullites onomatopiercing space
his stealth deadened in penultimate comicstrip panel.
Later...at pub with his have-a-go antihero mates:

Pteropine Man fresh from frightener in the ginnel,
louring at being mistook for that Yank upstart bat
again; the noble Paedophile-ophobe on sabbatical,

by Yewtree interceptions burnt out, Madeleine McCatt 
his offduty searches' fluffy focus now; snooty of Stella,
gobbling do-gooder, Night Turkey, sat

nursing an Adnams, Charles Random de Berenger's
seminal ruffian-busting manual sole topic
of chat for wattled one's workfriend, Scumbrella.

Hero-wounded snickets recidivism & rain licks. 
There's phonebox where, like Ms. Zellweger, 
supers flaunted their granny pants, & a lost brolly drips .