Patty Bu’

Like Peggy Mitchell,
you're a petite battle-axel,
and when you’re premenstrual, 
there’s a witch-trial.
Why can’t you be a pearly pussycat
like fat Pat Butcher?

With a minibar and a full-strength tar
and them earrings a man can cling on to!
With a minibar, a cut ‘n’ shut car
and them earrings a man can cling on to!
With a minibar, a rollercoaster past 
and them earrings a man can cling on to!
Kosher love right outta Exchange & Mart
and them earrings a man can cling on to!
With a minibar, old tart’s broad heart
and them earrings a man can cling on to!

You ain’t no chirpy 
cockney sparra:
at my failings, scowler 
like Pauline Fowler.
Why can’t you treat me pukka,
not like a pilchard?
And greet me like a lover, 
not like an ill wind? 

Patticake Butcher, Pam St. Butcher,
leopardprint bleachblonde softtouch exhooker,
sticks by your side 
like Bullseye and Bill Sykes.
Her handbag at dawn’ll
put any double-yolker right.

We’re like Den & Angie  
coz you’re so malfy
- why can’t we be more like Kat & Alfie,
minus the infidelity?
But minus the dry slaps, 
24-carat's Frank & Pat!
With a minibar, a full-strength tar,
kosher love right outta Exchange & Mart.