Must Be Over 6ft

If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain;

if you like listening to 'Purple Rain' and listening to the rain;

if you like Special Brew, well, no-one actually likes Special Brew,

but if there's times you'll do anything to misconstrue pain.

 

If you like Pina Coladas sharing a bath;

if your heart's been smithereened but you still like a laugh;

if sometimes you feel like you're still 16 

and no-one's asked you to dance, then I'm the lover 

 

who's a bit bananas, bit vanilla, prudish heart true.

I'm the lover it would hurt to hurt you.

My exes said they loved me but they all had X-ies,

coz sensitive guys just ain't that sexy.

 

If you like making love at midnight in the dunes at Walberswick;

if you think you'll never meet anyone interesting on the internet;

if you've written 'non-smoker' but when you get let down you seek

cigarettes, message me to keep that quit streak.

 

So if you think short guys ain't worth a gnat's shit,

yet you havta admit you're a manlet magnet,

I've walked the eggshell vale from l'homlette to Hamlet,

the razor's edge of the quietus a bare bodkin makes,

 

to meet such a sensimilla Ophelia as you 

too stoned on sadness to be near the lake this late.

I'll throw the rubber ring of love like a bouquet - catch it! 

                                                  It's yours.

But sensitive guys just ain't sexy no more.

 

I'll throw that life-preserver of love tho' I throw like a girl.

And Pina Coladas leave me cold like the rain.

But swipe right and for the 1st time in les temps perdu,

let's feel like teens frenchying by banks of the Seine.

 

Or settle for a fumble by the Broads (Norfolk don't have a cape).

Don't make me feel like a gimpy Gimli, as he his axeblade 

                                                                      contemplates

for chap of below average height's bare bodkin escape, eh?

Like sensitive guys just  ain't sexy these days.