Eloise Emerald's Adventures In The Grass, Book 1
Introducing an ickle intellectual,
firehearted, foxhaired tomboy geek called
Miss Eloise Agatha Emerald.
Who's sharp as a button, who's bright as a whip
- a button made keen upon flint of print,
& around such a whip fairylights would twist!
'Weeze' Emerald, she whiled away summer hols,
loony tome she read by a man named Carroll
Mrs.Emerald bought from a shop called Jarrolds.
Dumbing up on a smartphone is modernday joy,
yet imagination's our Weeze's neverending toy,
tho' she hadn't dreamt up the chipmunkish 'Oi'
that interrupted her reading in the garden.
She put down her book & begged the pardon
of indeterminate orator th'Oi had come from.
She searched side to side; her red bob flicked.
She looked under her bum; her red bangs dipped.
She shook her red head - had she daydreamed it?
'Oi, Orange Bonce, Girliath, over here!
Atop the 5th daisy to your left, my dear,'
a squeaky cheeky buzz buzzed somewhere near.
Eloise Emerald took a snout about
- 1 daisy, 2 daisy, 5 flowers the count
whereupon she spied the source of the mouth.
Highpitched purr far from chippurr
was bombilation of some gauzy-wing-flapper,
uncommon bluebottle showing scant stiff upper
proboscis.
Who'd Oi'd Eloise at top of his 'Oice
wore tiddlywink cowters over his joints
& did stew as blue as a ballpoint,
black as a biro. On daisy 5, he danced quite vexed
- if an ant hadn't spanned 1 of his legs,
& if he'd had pants, then this most impudent insect
in 'em would 'ave angsty ants. Natural Brownie,
Weeze was displeased to witness another lifeform frowny,
so with bookmark she bumbled, then rested her copy
of Alice... on the staining grass, her page ajar anyway.
'Now, Mr. Fly, all atizz you buzz! Are you, yunno, okay?'
Coz you're mad as all monkeybats her rolled eyes conveyed.
'Well, duh! Were I acting out an inner glow,
would I oi for a ginger giantess's aid? No,
so seeing that I have no choice...
How do you do, I'm Ludo!'
'There's no call for uncouthness, Ludo the Fly,
Eloise A. Emerald at your service, but I
advise you buzz with decorum when seeking an ally.'
But Eloise A.Emerald didn't hold grudges
(anymore than she wore her hair
in foxtail bunches)
& tho' flies muckily strode upon school lunches,
forthcoming was her help for new housefly homie.
Ludo's latticed eyes bulged with mute 'holy-moly'
for thanks... maybe. He lamented, 'O to flit free
on the summer breeze from dogpoop to fruitbowl
about my buzziness I'm unable, flytrapped in a tangle.'
He gestured to a chequered fetter about his ankle.
'I's grounded by this strand from who-knows-where,
thread of black 'n' white-squared gungey gossamer.'
'Woz ye not,' Eloise consoled, 'I'll yank it offa yer!'
'Up your nelly, ginger giantess! Dem galumph-
ing thumbs will pluck off 1 of my limbs
before the squillion vermillion honeycombs
of my compound eyes bawled with a uni-wince.
No, p'haps
you might best flex your thinking cap
at close quarters. Can you sing a shrinking rap?'
Thus Eloise was instructed to repeat after him:
' Yoyoyo! So ya wanna get down
where da grass ain't strimmed,
do da Kreepykrawly Krump wit' only 4 limbs?
Do ya want da title of 'Titch' in Lilliput?
Do ya wanna measure up to underfoot?
Den spit Ludo's shrinking rap & shake your, er, boot!'
As the fly rapped, he busted out some breakdancing moves
only 6 legs could really pull off. Eloise mused
it was indeed a good job she hadn't ripped 1 loose,
as she mumbled along, out-of-tune echolalia.
" Do ya wanna hi-5, erm, hi-40 a spider?
Feel full on 1 sweetcorn kernel for supper?
If ya wanna bants with a Borrower, 'Fanx for the lend,
but yer cargopants engulf me, friend',
sing Ludo's shrinking rap right thru to da end!
Deez dinkifying rhymes, repeat to go to
a destination with a stunning worm's eyeview!
Ginger giantess, now Thumbelina No.2 !"
At shrinking rap's finale (phew!), Eloise
juddered with migraine of submolecular squeeze.
There was nauseous flash, then g-force of more Gs
than Mr. & Mrs.G & their large brood in every seat
of a rollercoaster with the carnie controller asleep,
save it was reverse g-force for her mass decreased.
As did her height, from current stature aged 11
to shorty she was at 7, pipsqueak at 6,
pipsqueakier even
at 6 months, past once-upon-a-bun-in-Mrs.Emerald's-oven.
till Weeze was sultanasize. Matching the flyrical fly's,
her meagrements such th'unkempt grass bowed high
above her red head. Weeze saw red too, no way'd she occupy
the bottom of the bottom of the garden forever,
Alice... forever unfinished if facedown book could shelter her!
'Ludo,' she grrred, 'I think I'll pluck that leg off now, GRRR!'
'Aw c'mon, Ginger Gian... oh right, I need to come up
with some new materi...'ELP!!!!!!!!'
But before Weeze got more bugged,
Ludo got dragged off
when legature on his lig,
I mean ligature on his leg, was dealt a
SHARE SO THAT I'M FAMOUS BEFORE I'M DEAD ; -)