Dancing George The Obese Eskimo, Chapter 1

          Once upon a time there was a young Eskimo called, erm, George, who since being an ickle Inuit  had harboured but one overriding ambition: to become the funkiest dancer in the enitire Arctic. However, there was one problem preventing Georgie Boy from realising this dream: he was what doctors matter-of-fatly call 'morbidly obese', the fattest little Eskimo in the entire Arctic! Verily, he was a little Eskimountain! 
    Now you might think it's hard for an Eskimo to become obese, but George's father, er, Gunther, was the flukiest of all the Inuit hunters. He only had to stick his fishing-line in his specially melted hole in the ice for a matter of minutes and he'd catch a plump fish. Strangely enough, George wasn't that keen on the biting, crunchy parkiness of the Arctic, and his mum - let's call her 'Jackie Johnson' - didn't like George throwing shapes in the ickle igloo they called home, so George hardly got any exercise whatsoever. And what with his dad, Gunther, furnishing their icy dining-table with appetite-whetting whopping salmons and sometimes seal steaks too , well, George just got pudgier and pudgier. And all the time, his dreams of becoming the Arctic's answer to Billy Elliot got more and more remote. 
    Now one day, George was sitting at the family's icy dining-table when Gunther ran in thru the Igloo entrance, his face paprika-red but less from the cold, than from fact he had been running as fast as awkward snow-shoes would take him. 
    'George, George! Look, son, there's going to be a talent competition in the Arctic and the winner gets to perform for the Eskimo King!' explained Gunther with gusto, waving a laminated piece of paper in George's fat little pink face (all  paper has to be laminated in the Arctic to stop it getting soaked and flimsy because of the icy walls and the icy desks and the icy filing cabinets).     George read what it said: 'GRAND TALENT COMPETITION! WINNER GETS A SHEDLOAD OF ESKIMONEY AND TO PERFORM FOR THE ESKIMO KING! USUAL TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY'. So it was true! If only George wasn't such a clinically jumbo little Eskimo, this could have been just the time for his dancing to dazzle the whole of the Arctic with more razzamadazzle than that of all the sunlight dazzling upon the aput (which is the Eskimo word for 'fresh snow on the ground').