Eloise Emerald's Adventures In The Grass, Book 1
Introducing an ickle intellectual,
firehearted, foxhaired tomboy geek called
Miss Eloise Agatha Emerald.
Who's sharp as a button, who's bright as a whip
- a button made keen upon flint of print,
& around such a whip fairylights twist!
'Weeze' Emerald, she whiled away summer hols,
loony tome she read by a man named Carroll
Mrs.Emerald bought from a shop called Jarrolds.
Dumbing up on a smartphone is modernday joy,
yet imagination our Weeze's neverending toy,
tho' she didn't dream up the chipmunkish 'Oi'
that interrupted her reading in the garden.
She put down her book & begged the pardon
of indeterminate orator whom th'Oi came from.
She searched side to side; her red bob flicked.
she looked under her bum; her red bangs dipped.
She shook her red head - did she daydream it?
'Oi, Orange Bonce, Girliath, over here!
Atop the 5th daisy to your left, my dear,'
a squeaky cheeky buzz buzzed somewhere near.
Eloise Emerald took a snout about
- 1 daisy, 2 daisy, 5 flowers the count
whereupon she spied source of the mouth.
Highpitched purr far from chippurr,
the chipmunkish hum from a gauzy-wing-flapper,
uncommon bluebottle showing scant stiff upper
proboscis. Who'd Oi'd Eloise at top of his 'Oice
wore tiddlywink cowters over his joints
& did stew as blue as a ballpoint,
black as a biro, on daisy 5 dancing vexed
- if an ant didn't span one of his legs,
& if he'd had pants, then most impudent insect
would 'ave angsty ants in 'em. Natural Brownie,
it displeased Weeze to witness fellow lifeform frowny,
so w/ bookmark she bimbled, then rested her copy
of Alice on the staining grass, ajar her page anyway.
'Now, Mr. Fly, all atizz you buzz! Are you, yunno, okay?'
Coz you're mad as all monkeybats her rolled eyes conveyed.
'Well, duh! Were I acting out an inner glow,
would I oi for aid from ginger giantess? No,
so seeing that I have no chOIce...
How do you do, I'm Ludo!'
'There's no call for uncouthness, Ludo the Fly,
Eloise A. Emerald at your service, but I
advise you buzz w/ decorum when seeking an ally.'
But Eloise A.Emerald didn't hold grudges
(anymore than she'd hoick her red
in foxtail bunches)
& tho' mucky flies strode upon her school lunches,
forthcoming her help for new housefly homie,
whose latticed eyes bulged a rare mute 'holy-moly'
for thanks. Lamented Ludo, 'Nevermore to flit free
upon summer breeze from dogpoop to fruitbowl
about my buzziness, for I've stepped in this tangle...'
- he gestured to chequered fetter about his ankle.
'I's grounded by this strand from who-knows-where,
thread of black 'n' white-squared gungey gossamer.'
'Woz ye not,' Eloise consoled, 'I'll yank it offa yer!'
'Up your nelly, ginger giantess! Dem galumph-
ing thumbs will pluck off one of my limbs
before the squillion vermillion honeycombs
of my compound eyes bawled w/ 1 wince.
No, p'haps
bookworm l/ you could best flex her thinking cap
at close quarters. Can you sing a shrinking rap?'
Eloise was instructed to repeat after him:
' Yoyoyo! So ya wanna get down where the
grass ain't strimmed,
do da kreepykrawly krump wit' no need to squinge?
Do ya want da title of 'Titch' in Lilliput,
do ya wanna measure up to underfoot,
then spit dis shrinking rap & shake yer, er, boot!'
As he rapped, Ludo busted out some breakdancing moves
only 6 legs could really pull off. Eloise mused
it was a good job she hadn't ripped 1 of them loose,
as she echolala'd craptacular rap resizer.
' If ya wanna hi-5, erm, hi-40 a spider,
be stuffed on single sweetcorn kernel for supper,
if ya wanna bants with a Borrower, 'Fanx for the lend,
but yer cargopants engulf me, friend',
sing Ludo's shrinking rap right thru to da end!
Deez dinkifying rhymes, repeat ta go to
a destination w/ a stunning worm's eyeview!
Ginger giantess, be Thumbelina No.2 !'
At shrinking rap's finale (phew!), Eloise
juddered w/ migraine of submolecular squeeze.
There was nauseous flash, then g-force of more Gs
than Mr. & Mrs.G & their large brood in every seat
of rollercoaster whose carnie controller fell asleep,
save it was reverse g-force for her mass decreased.
As did her height, from current stature aged 11
to shorty she was at 7, pipsqueak at 6,
pipsqueakier even
at 6 months, past once-upon-a-bun-in-Mrs.E's-oven.
Till, sultanasize, her meagrements matched the flyrical fly's.
Unkempt green blades now bowed high
above her red head. Weeze saw red too, no way she'd occupy
the bottom of the bottom of the garden forever,
Alice unfinished if facedown spine-ridge sheltered her!
'Ludo,' she grrred, 'Now I'll pluck that leg off, GRRR!'
'Aw c'mon, Ginger Gian... oh right, I need to come up
with some new materi...'ELP!!!!!!!!'
But 'fore Weeze got more bugged,
Ludo got dragged off
with some new materi...'ELP!!!!!!!!'
But 'fore Weeze got more bugged,
Ludo got dragged off
when legature on his lig,
I mean ligature on his leg, was dealt a
I mean ligature on his leg, was dealt a
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