The Cautionary Tale Of Aztec Andy

 

Aztec Andy's abode was a dorsalfinned cathedral.

Inca Ian was his neighbour on banks of the Fongufeasle.

 

Inca Ian's residence was a portholed volcano.

Were such gaffs prefaffs of adobe & gold? I dunno.

 

IOUs on Andy's quipu of human sacrifice arrears,

when he encountered nonpouncer most polite, a jaguar

 

decked in snazzy golfslacks, proffering sage advice

in Morganfreemanny, mammalian-masonic matey voice.

 

'Alrite, Andy?' spoke Jaguar, 'Say, I heard from Inca Ian  

you're all out of Olmec odalisques; devout, nubile, heathen

 

volunteer tzompantli to malanoint w/ treefrog slobber,

then slit from stem to stern w/ your consecrated stabber

 

- not best joboffer...  P'haps most puissant Pashungo 

is new deity for thee, Andy? Now's the time to unfollow

 

virginovorous Ningovice, current blessing provider

for whom gore congeals upon temple table l/ sunflower

 

toms drying. Taboo tabasco of Mayans' sprayin' midriffs

never tamed Ningovice's terms or propitiatory tariff.

 

You should switch to Pashungo, mate!' the Jaguar softsold.

'Ian did': w/ pythonic aplomb,  his tail pointed to portholed

 

volcano yonder. Aztec Andy wasn't born in the Bronze Age:

surely there'd be mass grave formula, clause to assuage

 

this god on four legs, Pashungo. Andy owed it to old idol

to first unscroll small print in codex of Gaznumplepecol

 

to be informed of penalty plagues Ningovice might visit

upon his crop of Three Sisters & upon the spirits

 

of Andy's ancestors, Ningovictecs all. 'Worship Pashungo

today for limited introductory gift (no jaguano

 

passes these liquorice lips),'  insisted Jaguar, his whiskers

wagging w/ wellmeaning authority. L/ one of Jaga's lectures

 

to Lion-O, there's tutelary trait to junglecat's sales patter.

Simple twinkle l/ early onset feline Alzheimer's,

 

chatoyant bants in the leopard-lookeylikey's langtries,

his lookers lacking overblinking of beast who deceives.

 

So th'Aztec advanced towards pimpled panther proselytizer,

who from couchant, sejant, sejanterect thru to rampant was a riser

 

roaring and inopinate, the smoothtalking Jaguar attacking

offguard Andy. The jag's clawful cosh thwacking,

 

fryingpanning Mesoamerican sun-moonie

flatfaced & flat out l/ he'd  lost match of '1-knee, 2-knee'.

 

Aztec Andy fell prone, fell stone dead. Dumb his next meal,

Jaguar dined on Andy's spine l/ a strawberry jellied eel.

 

On Aztec Hi-tecs, Andy hadn't a cat in hell's to scramble

- moves l/ Jagger going for the jugular had Jaguar. Who'd also

                                                             hornswaggled

 

Inca Ian w/ Pashungo mumbojumbo for a previous feast,

the kippercision of supine Ian aping a savage high priest's.

 

I'm sure you've heard to beware Greeks bearing gifts or even 

                                                            brochures,

but now you know to never ever

trust jaguars in natty trousers.